totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
