i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
