Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
