Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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