Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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