we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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