What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
