I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
