The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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