I accidentally had phone sex last night
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
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