he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
We left the knife in your bed.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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