I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
