hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
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