You're my little dorito
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
