I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Randomize
