You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Randomize
