I just made out with a guy for $7.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
