Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
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