Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
