I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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