I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
