He is such a slut. More and more my type.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
