My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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