shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
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