dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
