Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
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