Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
There are leaves in my underwear?
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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