i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
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