woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
