It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Randomize
