Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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