I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
no. you can't hotbox the world.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
