we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
