I think scott just propositioned me for sex
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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