I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Randomize
