Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
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