Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
She's the barista slut.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Randomize
