do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
