the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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