Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
Randomize
