he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Randomize
