Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
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