kristin has been a bad kristin
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
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