they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
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