Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
