i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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