so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
It's never too late to be topless.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
