he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
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Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
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Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
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