i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
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