I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
