ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Did you just see the Batmobile???
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
