There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
