She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
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