I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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