Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
You were trust falling into bushes
Randomize
