Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
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i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
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How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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