I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
