apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
