So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
